Taste the Difference

TipsyGrrl on why you have a favorite vodka…

You know it’s true. I know it’s true. Although the recipe for vodka does not vary, you have your favorite brand.

You like the way it tastes. You like the kind of buzz it gives. You like the way it doesn’t give you a hangover. (Except that one time when… well, usually.)

And you have the brand you absolutely will not swallow, because it gives you memories of college parties that went outside the keg, and ended up outside of your memory.

But what is it that allows mixtures of 40% pure ethanol and 60% pure water to taste so different from one another?

Chemists (with TipsyGrrl-approved priorities) believe they’ve discovered what gives. Seems vodkas are not simple solutions of ethanol and water, but hold a more complex structure within their liquid. Continue reading

How NOT to Date an Indian: Unedited Version

The edited version of this article is found over at Sepia Mutiny. This version, my first draft, is twice as long and twice as annoyed/unfunny. Also twice as ineffective, according to the people who read it over for me. But, what the heck, here’s the initial response, for your edification.

Dear Ms. Miller,

On June 1, you posted a piece in The Huffington Post’s Living section called “How to Date an Indian (Advice for the Non-Indian.”) or as I like to call it “How to Drive Away Dates with Your Unbelievable Combination of Desperation and Ignorance.” Apparently, as someone whose bio states that she has “lived in Mumbai for three years,” and who is in a relationship with a man of Indian descent, you consider yourself well-qualified to advise the rest of the world on the best means to bag a brown man/woman. Or as you write, “my husband… is from New Delhi, which, in addition to providing me with lots of Indian friends and in-laws, have given me a pretty good perspective on the desirability of the people from the world’s largest democracy — and how to woo them.” Given your ventures in dating/relationship-based businesses (including a magazine and a dating website), I have to say I was misled into believing you had something relevant to say. Instead, I ended up laying on the floor, guffawing hysterically.

Let’s break down what you told folks in your article. Before we begin, I want to applaud you for not exoticizing and fetishizing brown people in a manner that detracts from a basic understanding and appreciation of another’s culture.

1) Indians are the chosen ones. Well, I’m not really Indian per se, my parents came from Pakistan, but on behalf of their neighbors across the border, I’ll take it. And as a Star Wars fan, I am even more honored that you consider us the Chosen Ones. (I’ll let you know where you can mail that lightsaber.)

2) Indian people tend to be good looking. Actually, you know what, Ms. Miller? That is awfully nice of you to point that out. I too, consider myself and my brethren brethren superior-looking when it comes to physical aesthetics. I’m glad you feel the same way.

3) Most Indians are innately gracious, social creatures; they highly value friends and family and have a calendar filled with various holidays and occasions to celebrate, which they typically do with gusto. Yes’m. And when we’re not celebrating things “with gusto” or jiving we’re eating fried chicken and watermelon. Oops, wrong stereotype. Never mind.

4) Moreover, Indian men love to dance. If for no other reason other than you want someone to dance with you (or without you for that matter), date an Indian. Who are these Indian men and where can I find them?

5) If you are Indian, you can skip the rest of this post and spend the next four minutes savoring your desirability. Lady, I am savoring my desirability right now like no other. You have no idea how desirable your post made me feel right now. I feel so desirable it’s making me nauseous.

6) If you are not Indian, keep reading to learn seven things that should ingratiate you with them. The first five have to do with Bollywood. Indians take Bollywood and their celebrities very seriously. I personally, did not realize one has to pretend to adore Bollywood in order to date me. Oh, I get it. You think it’s okay to project a faux personality and deceive your date in order to get sex, right? “Finding a place that plays Bhangra music and going there together is sure to get you something straight from the Kama Sutra.” (Which reminds me, I really need to find a copy of that book, given that it’s such a major part of my heritage as a brown person.)  Also, FYI, Bride and Prejudice references can get one shot up in my hood. That was a terrible movie and it should never be acknowledged publicly.

7) I’m happy to share a dal recipe that is unbelievably tasty. (Really, it is called “Mrs. B’s Magic Dal.”) Does it include roofies? Because after that list of disingenuous advice, I wouldn’t be surprised if your daal contained certain illegal substances. How about instead of ‘magic daal,’ you simply suggest folks hog-tie and shot-gun wed a brown person, rather than luring them with promises of desi cooking and Bollywood watching? It would save us all a lot of time and effort.

8) Language. Indians love when you speak their language… Now there are several iPhone apps that will give you translations. I suggest you pick up a few and break them out at an appropriate time, probably somewhere well into the second date. You don’t want your date to think that if things go south, you will resort to stalking. Lady, if I were on a second date and someone broke into Urdu, I would run away screaming. Surely you tell people looking for a relationship that desperate is never attractive. Surely you promote self-esteem building, not shameless brown-nosing, right? Right?

9) I hope Laxmi, Goddess of Prosperity, smiles on you as you endeavor to date one of her people. Wait, so the only reason we should date a brown person is because we hope to be well-off financially? *Cue Kanye West’s ‘Gold Digger” song.

10) Oh yea, I almost forgot to mention: one more big bonus when it comes to dating an Indian: communication with cabbies. Actually, lady, knowing Punjabi/Hindi does very little good when it comes to cabbies. They’re not going to drive any faster just because you’re brown. Or give you a discount. So if you’re hoping to better your cabbie ride by dating a brown man – it would save you a lot of time to save yourself the middleman and just date a cabbie yourself.

In conclusion, thank you again Ms. Miller for sharing your magic formula of misinformed assumptions, basic stereotypes and limited knowledge. The world is grateful for your guide on brown dating. We thank you for teaching the next generation that they too, can use any means necessary to find their special brown man or woman. I assume your dating website attempts to convince its readers/subscribers of similar by-hook-or-by-crook methods to find their certain someone. I am grateful that rather than appreciating each other’s unique interests, you suggest one thwart one’s personality and project a spurious interest in culture that was never there to begin with – solely to find a mate.

While I mourn the fact that my letter highlights your work (and no doubt favorably impacts your post’s metrics), I am thankful that I became aware of its existence.

Yours desirably,

PG

Bring the World Cup to Philly!

Sean Garrison, over from Sports A La Mode contacted us here at PG to ask if he could make the case for one of his favorite sports football soccer. He writes, ‘The United States, along with many others, have declared their desire to host the FIFA World Cup™ in 2018 or 2022. If you were not already aware, Philadelphia is one of the potential host cities.’ In this post, Garrison makes the case to bring football, er soccer back to the shores of America.

With the 2010 FIFA World Cup approaching in less than two months, Americans once again have soccer on their minds. Their attention can be attributed to the  belief that this year will be Team USA’s best chance to bring home their very first World Cup. While many Americans might only think about soccer during major events like the World Cup, the majority of countries around the world fiendishly follow the sport year-round. U.S. soccer fanatics are glad that their favorite sport is finally gaining some respect domestically, but many people feel that even more popularity can be gained by bringing the World Cup to America.

In order to make the best possible case for US hosting the world cup, a collection of sports executives, leaders in business, and diplomats, have assembled to form the United States Bid Committee. The committee is populated with such public figures like Mayor of New York, Michael Bloomberg; Governor of California, Arnold Schwarzenegger; President Clinton’s personal advisor, Douglas Band, as well as various executives from ESPN, MLS, among others.

The committee hopes to increase their chances of bringing the most widely followed international tournament to American soil. This is a huge opportunity for the United States to bring together many cultures that all have great interest in the sport. If the United States wins the bid; it would surely be a boost to their international image. “In all my years traveling around the world, I have witnessed soccer as the one thread that many cultures and people have in common,” said Doug Band. “The idea of utilizing the most popular sport in the world to drive awareness towards pressing social and environmental issues is important to me on a personal level. Joining the USA Bid Committee to bring the World Cup back to our country is an honor.” The committee aspires to bring the FIFA World Cup to the U.S. as soon as 2018.

Band was likely selected to join the board because of the extensive work he has done with the Clinton Global Initiative (CGI). Working abroad in hundreds of different countries, he has garnered valuable experience in foreign relations. Along with former President Clinton, Band founded the CGI in 2005. Since then, CGI has reached out to millions across the globe by providing medical assistance, education opportunities, and environmental protection.

The results of the last World Cup held in the United States can still be seen today. Despite complaints from other countries that the US didn’t have the requisite fan-base to host the event, The 1994 World Cup had an attendance of 3.6 million- a record which still stands to this day. FIFA argued (and in hindsight, were absolutely right) that by giving the US the opportunity to host the World Cup, it would catalyze the popularity of the sport here. In 1996, less than 2 years following the ’94 Cup, Major League Soccer was founded. MLS would likely be a very different enterprise today if it weren’t for that hosting opportunity.

The U.S. bid committee is determined to obtain their goal of a U.S. World Cup, and are fastidiously working to make that goal a reality. If the United States lands the bid, it would be a boon to our economy, national image, and soccer both domestically and around the globe.

To help bring the U.S. World Cup to Philadelphia, sign this petition!

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Brendan Plays Rockabilly

Join Brendan Skwire (of The Dill Pickles) this Saturday, April 24 as he slaps bass with the Super Devils at Murph’s Bar in Fishtown.  This time he’s not playing bluegrass, he’s playing rockabilly. Yeah, I had to look that up too. Whatever it is, it’ll be guaranteed fun. Bring your dancing shoes. Doors open at 8PM, Brendan starts playing at 10. I saw Brendan play a number of times last summer. He always delivers a great show. If you thought bluegrass rockabilly in Philly was dead, think again.

Quick Rant: The Boyfriend Jeans

I cannot for the life of me understand the whole boyfriend jean trend going on right now. Why, ladies, why? Why would anyone voluntarily wear a beaten-up, ill-fitting piece of denim? Clearly, I’m not cool enough to understand fashion trends. At least that’s what my sister told me this weekend when I turned to her, baffled by the two brand-new pairs of Express boyfriend jeans I found in her closet. Even though there is about a 20-pound difference between us, we tend to share the same clothes. Mostly because I wear clothes that are too tight while she prefers hers three sizes too large. It usually works out perfectly. But no matter how much I adjusted those boyfriend jeans, they still looked sloppy and unkempt. All I needed was a piece of twine and I could be any hobo anywhere in America.

I offered to take a couple of my brother’s jeans, drag ‘em around the yard, fold ‘em up at the ankles and sell them to her for $50 a-piece, but she declined my offer. ‘They’re comfortable,’ she said. ‘But so are regular jeans,’ I told her. ‘And they don’t fall off your waist, either.’ But what do I know? I’ve never been cool. As far as I can tell, the look was popularized after several well-known Hollywood actresses were photographed hobnobbing about town with their ‘boyfriend jeans.’

But which normal woman wants to dress like their boyfriend anyway, especially considering the number of ill-dressed men out there? Yes, Hollywood types look glamorous in their boyfriend jeans. But Hollywood types look glamorous in potato sacks too, that’s their job. This look just does not translate well to the average woman’s body. I’m sorry. Really. Somebody had to tell you.

I’ve just never had the urge to walk about in a pair of men’s jeans. First of all, there aren’t any hips, the waist is all off and the crotch sits at the wrong level. Not to mention, they’re made for someone like 10 sizes bigger than me. Do real girls really borrow their boyfriend’s jeans? Is it some sort of morning-after-walk-of-shame phenomenon? Did last night’s Harlequin Romance, bodice-ripping-esque shenanigans result in the destruction of last night’s wardrobe? Was last night’s margarita the tipping point in the battle that is you versus the zipper of your too-skinny skinny jeans? Please, explain. I want to believe.

Study: Cleverer Women Drink More

TipsyGrrl ponders the odd connection between doing well on tests and drinking more.

And no, unfortunately, the London School of Economics study did not draw the inverse causal connection: that drinking more leads to being smarter. (Which was my first thought when I saw the headline. Back to reality…)

As reported by the UK Telegraph, what this large study (with between 9,500 and 17,000 subjects) did find was that better-educated women are the ones who engage in high levels or high frequency of alcohol consumption. Women with higher-ed degrees were found to be 86% more likely to “engage the most in problematic patterns of alcohol consumption” than those less educated. Continue reading

Chai Chat with SABA Philly

Some of you lawyerly folks may find this event interesting. And for you Twitter folks, follow Anil on Twitter!

The South Asian Bar Association of Philadelphia presents:

Chai Chat

Featuring Professor Anil Kalhan, Associate Professor of Law at Earle Mack School of Law, Drexel University

Rethinking Immigration Detention

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

5:30 – 7Pm

at the offices of

Kolsby Gordon Robin Shore & Bezar LLP

2000 Market Street – 28th Floor

Philadelphia, PA 19103

Chai and other light refreshments will be served.

RSVPs to andersonsk@ballardspahr.com by Friday, April 2, 2010

Waffles, Not Burqas

Dear Belgium,

Yesterday one of your idiotic lawmakers stated, “We cannot allow someone to claim the right to look at others without being seen… It is necessary that the law forbids the wearing of clothes that totally mask and enclose an individual. Wearing the burqa in public is not compatible with an open, liberal, tolerant society.” May I suggest you find a dictionary, look up the words “open,” “liberal,” and “tolerant” and then use aforementioned dictionary to bash yourself in the face? Okay, thanks.

Oh yeah, and to respond to French President Sarkozy who said, “The all-body veil is contrary to the dignity of women…The answer is to ban it,” guess what? Violence is contrary to the dignity of women. The denial of basic human rights is contrary to the dignity of women. But having the freedom to define yourself through your clothing? That, my dear sir is not contrary to the dignity of women. (Frankly, I think your face is contrary to the dignity of women, but heck, if Carla Bruni can take it…)

In conclusion, how about you two go back to making your respective foodstuffs, and leave the ‘safeguarding’ of ‘women’s dignity’ to someone else. The world thanks you for leaving your curious schnozzes out of women’s closets.

Spitefully yours,

PG

Philly Girls, Didja Date This Dude?

If so, please contact the authorities. ‘Cause dude is bad news. Not like a never-calls-you-or-hangs-out-with-you kind of jerk, but more like a drains-your-bank-account kind of jerk.

Read my post at Sepia Mutiny for more information.

Kabbalah Schmabbalah

TipsyGrrl hunts for the truth about the vodka made with babies…

My response alternated between amused and appalled when I came across this the other day.

“Kabbalah Vodka — with Christian Infants” first appeared on the entertainment blog English Russia this past December. Accompanying photos show each bottle of the premium distilled spirit featuring a pouty handmade glass infant sculpture inside.

The tag line and bottle design play off the old wives tales and myths that ancient Jewish rituals required the blood of non-Jewish children. (Kabbalah is a philosophy dealing with mystical Orthodox Judaism. It is the religion practiced by Madonna, Britney Spears, Barbara Streisand and several other celebs.) Continue reading