I don’t know what it is about lunch trucks in Center City, but they seem to be overwhelmingly dominated by Pakistanis. Which would be okay, except for all the obnoxiousness PG has to go through every time she orders breakfast. What makes it worse is my office building is barricaded on all four sides by Pakistani vendors. It’s not like at Temple, where you had the Koreans, the Vietnamese, the Indians, the Italians, the Romanians, the Turkish vendors, etc.
Here’s a typical morning conversation:
Me: Hi, could I have a bacon, egg and cheese on a kaiser roll?
Pakistani Vendor: Sure, sure, sure. That’s turkey bacon, right? [Naturally assuming I'm Muslim.]
Me: No, regular bacon.
PV: You no want turkey bacon?!?
Me: No. No turkey. Real bacon.
PV: But you look Pakistani, aren’t you Pakistani.
Me: [Under my breath.] Grrrrrrr. [Pause.] No, I’m Indian. [Lying through my teeth.]
PV: Really, you look Pakistani. Isn’t your family from Lahore?
Me: [Lying through my teeth.] Nope, I’m from Mumbai.
PV: And you still want BACON bacon?!?
Me: Yes, please.
[Extra ten minutes later because PV is so put out by this request.]
PV: Okay, here you go. Have a nice day. Are you sure you’re not Pakistani??? You’re very fair.
Me: [Walking away vowing to find another vendor, knowing I am far too lazy to ever find one.]
I, on the other hand, have very good experiences with Pakistani vendors.
Because I am not fair. :) :)
It may be because I don’t eat pork or bacon, anyway. Because I have had some instances where they assumed I was either Muslim or Pakistani.
Next time say South India instead of Bombay. It will confuse them. Really. It even confuses some Indian vendors. (Though there was one Pakistani that spent some time in South India–Karnataka to be exact–so he could pick up some of the Malayalam because he was fluent in Kannada. )
ROFL. Only you.
I am madly in love with the Pakistani lunch truck guy at Locust and Broad. But he he only comes in three days a week…
Have you seen the movie, “Man Push Cart”? I was trying to look at your dilemma from the vendor’s perspective – the other side of the cart, if you will. I came up empty. But, nonetheless, I do have two wonderful suggestions:
1. Practice your best Sly Stallone delivery and tell the cart guy you were born and bred in S-out Philly (as opposed to South India), and to put your friggin’ bacon on your egg sandwich, before you kick his ass.
2. Hand the guy a note that says you are an orphaned mute agnostic and could you please have a bacon, egg and cheese, etc., etc.
3. If neither of these seem practical, then stalk the Broad and Locust street vendor guy and marry him, thereby disproving the old saw that you can’t have your bacon and eat it too.
That was three wonderful suggestions, wasn’t it?
Yes! Number 3, number 3! I laughed so hard….
(Although that would mean I would have to give up blogging for egg frying, you realize that.)
“I was trying to look at your dilemma from the vendor’s perspective – the other side of the cart, if you will. I came up empty.”
I understand their perspective. They’re desperately lonely and they just want someone to shoot the breeze in the native tongue with ‘em now and then. But sometimes I have five minutes for lunch and I don’t have time to indulge everyone’s whims. But I am always polite.
I hope you were laughing at my grammatical blunder as well: “If neither of these seem….” The whole world knows that “neither” is the subject of that sentence and that it is one of those pesky collective nouns and, as such, needs a singular verb form (seems, not seem) for its completion. I don’t mind making mistakes as long as I know – or discover later on – that I’m making them…my god, I really do have way too much time on my hands.
Regarding your having to give up blogging for egg frying, I just assumed you were ambidextrous.
If you haven’t seen the aforementioned movie, Man Push Cart, you might want to track it down. It’s quite good – kind of sad ultimately, but good. I would caution you, though; you may wind up dumping the B&L street vendor guy for Ahmad Razvi, the movie’s lead. It pops up on the Sundance channel occasionally.
Pingback: I love bacon too « My Philadelphia Story
Pingback: Starbucks fail « My Philadelphia Story
Pingback: Ode to Bacon « My Philadelphia Story