Does Your Pop Music Suck? Well, here’s some that doesn’t.

/This post has finally been commandeered by guest blogger Don Bito/

Yeah, yeah, so I didn’t post for the past two Fridays. I was on VACATION, OKAY?!? I was too busy floating in the 85 degree dolphin-populated waters off the Savannah coast and gay bar hopping and drinking Sweetwater Blue, O’FRIGGIN’KAY? But now I’m back. *quiet sobbing*

And I don’t even want to talk about moving this past week except to say that I’m pretty sure I’m having pains in imaginary muscles right now. For instance, my glattulars are killing me. And also to say, R.I.P. 1722! We hardly knew ye. We never even got to set off fireworks on your roof! *quiet sobbing*

But all unnecessary back story aside, to atone for my bloggy sins this week I’ve decided to bring you a belated Independence Day post, featuring my top 5 favorite non-American (arguably) pop artists. Yeah, I’m not much of a patriot. So, in no particular order, here are five artists whose entire repertoire I could listen to on loop for weeks on end:

The Smiths.

What is there to say except “Marry me, Morrissey?”

Seriously. Morrissey has more lyrical vision than…well, I was going to make a comparison but there simply isn’t one. He walks a line between complex imagery that is often hauntingly just out of grasp and self-deprecating humor that banishes any urge to take depressive lines too seriously.

And you have to love a man who can moan and yodel his way through a song. And who can stuff a sunny day ditty chock-full of literary references or croon one used-up line over and over again and somehow make both songs feel like they were written about your life, which by the way has been much improved by the mere presence of the magnificence that is The Smiths. (Apologies, by the way, for the Cemetery Gates video, which is both unimaginative and full of unattractive people. Yuck.)

Also rec’d: This Charming Man; There Is A Light That Never Goes Out; Half A Person; everything else you can get your hands on.

The Sounds.

The Sounds may not offer quite the same lyrical smorgasbord as The Smiths… but they just rock. so. effing. hard. Their frantic drum, unstoppable synth and classic guitar riffs combine with Maja Ivarsson’s vocal ferocity to melt your face off with the force of pure awesome.

I would challenge you to listen to The Sounds without leaping to your feet to wail on a wicked air guitar, but you’d only fail and I don’t want to damage your already frail self-esteem.

Also rec’d: Ego; Song With A Mission; Rock N Roll; everything else you can get your hands on. And speaking of singers I wouldn’t kick out of bed…

Kate Nash.

In addition to being adorable, Kate Nash is also hi-friggin-larious. Among the many things my co-workers surely judge me for is the 6 hours I once spent shaking with quiet laughter at my desk as I searched every Kate Nash song in existence.

Her kicky, folksy music may not bowl you over, but her lyrics are honest to the point of endearing – which also endows them with their unique humor.

Also rec’d: Merry Happy; Mouthwash; Flourescent Adolescent (Arctic Monkeys cover); everything else you can get your hands on.

Belle & Sebastian.

I’m not going to lie, I’m a recent convert to Belle & Sebastian. At first I thought my love for this group could only be explained by the association formed from smoking doobies in my friend’s room in South Carolina and listening to their albums on loop for 3 days, so loudly was the music playing in my head at all hours.

And while I’m sure that helped, I can now attest that I am unnaturally obsessed with Belle & Sebastian even when not under the influence of vacation, etc. It’s been a week and a half now and I still can’t go 20 minutes without mouthing the lyrics to one of their songs. (Yes, I am starting to resemble a psych patient and/or crackhead.)

Their music is complex and catchy, incorporating the violin and trumpet in addition to your standard guitar, keyboard, drums and bass. Their lyrics are consistently clever and most of the songs weave sexually suggestive narratives about unusual women and existential crises. What more could I ask for in a band?

Also rec’d: Sukie in the Graveyard; The Blues Are Still Blue; Dress Up In You; everything else you can get your hands on. And finally, the quintessential European pop royalty that is

ABBA.

Oh, sweet ABBA. I bask in the glory of your inanity, your musical simplicity, your pop-for-pop’s sake. Your karaoke potential. Your drag queen potential. You effing embody pop music. And, as Ste would say, you guys have your harmonies down.

If you don’t like ABBA, then you can suck dicks and fall down. Because ABBA are pop gods, do you hear me? GODS. That is all.

Also rec’d: Lay All Your Love On Me; Take A Chance On Me; Chiquitita; everything else you can get your hands on (this is not a suggestion).

/Next week we will return to your regularly-scheduled pop-bashing programming. To facilitate the process, email your most loved/hated pop songs to wegotthebits@gmail.com//