Sometimes your cubicle is just a fishbowl. Like if it’s in the middle of a floor, surrounded by offices, like mine is. Everyone can hear everything you say. And everyone can see everything you see, whether they want to or not. I’ve often wondered what the little things we do at work say to our coworkers about our personalities. For instance – the humble potato chip. You know what I’m talking about. That three o’clock daze hits you and you’re headed to the vending machine to get some chips. But what to get? Better yet, what not to get?
Cheetos. You don’t want to eat this at work. Trust me, I tried. That orange, cheesy coating will not get off your fingers no matter how hard you try. Plus that pixy-like orange dust will coat everything from your keyboard to that important memo your boss wanted delivered to the CEO. Step back from Chester Cheetah, folks. He bodes you no good.
Cheetos say “I am a messy person who has no regard for office furniture or important work projects.”
Popcorn. That white Cheddar popcorn stuff. Good? Right? I can see you nodding your head. Delicious stuff. Probably healthy too. Not too salty. No. Bad. Step back, folks. Popcorn falls everywhere. You know that. Save it for the movies, or your dusty old comfy sofa. Popcorn will fall under your desk. Under your chair. Everywhere. This will prompt the sort of crawling-on-your-knees recovery mission that would do a soldier in Normandy Beach proud, but won’t do your career much good.
Popcorn says “I am totally and completely scatter-brained. I’m all over the place. Also, I attract critters. Like roaches. And ants. Oh yeah, did I mention I’m all over the place?”
Munchos. Oh such munchy, crunchy goodness. Save it for playtime, kids. Munchos are dangerous. The mere act of biting into one of these is the high decibel equivalent to being in a mosh pit. (Okay, I exaggerate, but my office is really, really quiet sometimes. I just bit into one right now and five people looked over. Okay, it was just me. But loud noises scare me, okay!)
Munchos say “I don’t care about your work or the sensitive equilibrium that is the office environment, I will talk on the phone as loud as I want because I simply can.”
I have a feeling that a chip war will break out once y’all finish reading this post. I can imagine bags of chips being hurled at my office window.(Please feel free.) Chipist, you’ll call me. And it’s true. I do discriminate when it comes to chips. And so should you. But you can’t be too careful these days. You gotta sweat the small stuff in this economy. Like loud chips. If you really must have chips and can’t live without them, I suggest smashing the entire bag in the elevator outside our floor and eating the entire thing with a spoon. Your promotion thanks you.
Next time: “The Office Snack: Celery Sticks Are Evil”
You have way too much time on your hands…:)
Actually, I like this piece, especially the stuff about Cheetos. I’ve always felt that people who eat Cheetos publicly should be made to agree to have their fingertips lopped off should they get caught spreading their nasty Cheetos’ dust on someone else’s workspace.
I know, I need a life.