Meth Makes You Hotter, Kids

A recent feature on NPR’s All Things Considered highlighted a new approach to keeping teens away from methamphetamine, software that shows the effects of the drug on a user’s face.

“You’re young. You’re vibrant. You have great-looking skin. Your hair is there, your teeth are there,” Allman says. “The software … morphs it into causing the physiological effects that meth causes — the open scabs, the droopy skin, the hair loss.”

“It strikes at the vanity of teenagers,” he tells NPR’s Guy Raz.

The simulation program Face2Face — often called “Your Face on Meth” — shows teens what they would look like six months, one year and even three years into a methamphetamine habit.

Good idea, right? I can understand adults (*coughs “Nancy Reagan“) trying to keep kids away from drugs using Reefer Madness-esque techniques. Heck, even Blood Freak, which my African-American Literature professor decided to show us in my senior year of college one Halloween had some sort of  anti-drug message. (I think. You should really watch it yourself.)

Here’s my question, though. NPR decided to to see “how the Face2Face program would handle the face of Weekend All Things Considered host Guy Raz.”

Really NPR, really? This is supposed to keep kids away from meth? Does anyone else think the meth has um,  increased his sex-appeal a bazillion-fold improved his looks?

Let’s go through the meth hottie checklist.

• Modelesque chiseled cheekbones? Check.
• Manic yet intriguing pretty green eyes? Check. (Btw, NPR. Does meth make you get contacts?)
• New and improved hairstyle? Check.
• Hipster goatee over Paul Bunyan beard? Check.
• Ditching the stuffy suit for a casual T-shirt? Check.
• Scratches on his face for some genuine street cred? Check.

If I’m not mistaken, Mr. Raz actually looks better after the meth. Less goofy, more intense. I dunno, NPR. If you were trying to tell kids to stay away from meth, this may not be the right method. #scaretacticfail