Tag Archives: top 20

Does Your Pop Music Suck? Love Therapy.

Have you ever listened to a song so much that it became good? I don’t mean to imply that the song wasn’t good all along. Maybe it was just that you felt lukewarm about it. But there was something there, a je ne sais quoi that made you want to give it a second chance.

Maybe even this second chance left you tepid. Maybe you didn’t think about the song for months. But one day, over a plate of seafood pasta at a local bar and grill, the music returned to you, muffled, from the restaurant’s sound system. You thought you were merely enjoying some succulent scallops and fettuccine, but at work all around you were the song’s subtle tendrils of awesome, creeping into your brain between strained conversation, awakening within you a passion that must have lain dormant in your soul until this moment.

The next thing you know, you’re in your car wondering exactly how many times you can listen to Kelly Clarkson’s I Do Not Hook Up on repeat before your brain physically shuts down. And it’s crucial to know, because you will definitely be playing the song on repeat that number of times minus one.

Continue reading

About these ads

Does Your Pop Music Suck? “How to Ruin a Perfectly Good Song,” by Kanye West.

/This post has been commandeered by guest blogger Don Bito/

In case you readers were wondering how on earth I got away with chronicling my extremely personal, unnecessarily loquacious journey from uninspired to the opposite of that last week, the answer is: I didn’t.

If you want to know the truth, the universe has, in no uncertain terms, registered its displeasure with my melodramatic biblical references and metaphorical tears by unleashing an all-too-literal flood upon my abode.  Not even the whole house; just my room, where air conditioner evaporation-pan overflow (or some sh*t like that) filled two buckets with its constant dripping throughout the night.

That’s right, readers. You may think being subjected to my whims of verbiage is cruel and unusual, but the whole damn universe just went Dick Cheney on my ass. So, suck it up.

Anywayyyys…today’s pick peaked at #3 on the Hot 100 chart this week. Check out Keri Hilson’s Knock You Down featuring Kanye West and Ne-Yo here. I linked you in since you really ought to see the original video, which is unembeddable thanks to copyright laws and whatevah whatevah.

Continue reading

Does Your Pop Music Suck? Nothing Good To Go Bad.

/This post commandeered by guest blogger Don Bito/

I drove into work today without the slightest idea of what I would write about this week.  I hadn’t heard anything new and noteworthy, one way or the other, and I had my doubts about how many weeks I could get away with writing about not-necessarily-recent songs that I just happen to like, and still have you all believe this was a topical pop music review column.

Approaching my desk, a lone tear swelled and dropped from my eye, a single gleaming reminder that the illusion would soon be shattered, the velvet curtain pulled back, that my days as a member of the pop music intelligentsia were now numbered.

And their number…was one.  I was sucked into a greased downward spiral of hopelessness and despair (even more so than I usually am at the start of my shifts).

BUT LO, FROM THE VILLAGE OF INBOX THERE SHON A DIM BUT CONSTANT LIGHT.

Could this be? No, surely it was a figment of my imagination, a momentary hallucination created by my reeling ego to engender false hope and eventually sharpen the pain of my inevitable failure.

YET STILL THERE SHON THE LIGHT.

Oh readers, it WAS true! Not only was I to avoid ruination (this week), but it was none other than the Philly Grrl who had thrown herself upon the seldom-bestowed mercy of my haphazard musical tastes.

A MERCY SHE WOULD NOT RECEIVE. And here’s why…


Continue reading

Does Your Pop Music Suck? Redemption for the Black Eyed Peas.

/This post has been commandeered by guest blogger Don Bito/

It’s true that I have some beef with the Black Eyed Peas. Let’s just say I find their beats flaccid, their lyrics trite and in general I think they’re a pretty talentless act.

Let’s also say that this in no way means they did not release what is obviously the pop anthem smash hit of the summer, I Gotta Feeling.

How, you may ask, are these two things not contradictory? Continue reading

Does Your Pop Music Suck? Only You Can Prevent Shawty Fires.

/This post has been commandeered by guest blogger Don Bito/

Here’s the deal, readers: it’s 3am. I’m at work. I am personally overseeing the top secret birthday surprise of a very dear friend in T-minus 16 hours. Between now and then I have to figure out how to a) not fall asleep at my desk, b) fall asleep in my bed, and c) make my room look like a tacky mess in a fun, self-parodying, super-gay way.

But rather than officially take the day off, I figured I’d phone in a blog and charge you minutes of your life anyway. So dig in to #9 on this week’s Billboard top 100 chart. And please refrain from vomiting it back up onto your plate.

Sean Kingston’s Fire Burning

Continue reading

Does Your Pop Music Suck? Because Katy Perry Does.

/This post has been commandeered by guest blogger Don Bito/

Katy Perry: Cheap Zooey Deschanel knock-off? Definitely. Responsible for some of the most inane music and backwards lyrics in recent pop history? For sure. A sign of the coming apocalypse? Quite possibly.

But today, readers, Katy Perry is the catalyst of a blogging decision I may soon come to regret.


Continue reading

Does Your Pop Music Suck? A Slut Anthem.

Check in every Friday for guest blogger DonBito’s thrashing of your favorite pop songs. And don’t forget to email your suggestions for next week’s blog to wegotthebits@gmail.com.

This week: “Poker Face” by Lady Gaga.

How can you trash Poker Face, whose throwback synth beat and thinly-veiled sexual metaphors have taken America by storm?

I’ll tell you, readers: You effing can’t. That’s because Poker Face takes everything great about modern pop music and rolls it up into a big questionable-bodily-fluid-and-candy-coated pill and shoves it down your eager throat. And when it’s over you can’t shake the feeling that your ears have been molested…and you liked it.

It makes you want to dance. It makes you want to have bathroom sex with a stranger. It makes you want to roll the windows down and do car karaoke. It makes you want to take a scalding hot shower and compulsively scrub every inch of your body with lye soap but you keep getting distracted and touching yourself.

Continue reading